The Humor of a Brain Injury

After we left the hospital today, we went to get something to eat.

MIKEY:  I'm so hungry, I could fuck a cow.
JENNY:  No.  I don't think that's how that saying goes.
MIKEY:  What?
JENNY:  I think it's "I'm so hungry, I could EAT a cow."
MIKEY:  Oh yeah.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  Well, I'm so hungry, I could go down on a cow.
JENNY:  Hahahaha.  Yes.
MIKEY:  Man, I'm so funny, I should write that down.

Mikey has a concussion.  I will be babysitting him for the next 48 hours, A&E style. 



Jenny

50 Shades of Grey Vs. Twilight

(These two book covers are different.  Can you point out the differences?)

Bet you didn't know, I have a minor in comparative literature.

Here's my essay on 50 Shades of Grey and Twilight (yes, I wrote an essay on the topic.  Just now.  Don't judge me.)  And it's not the best writing of my life, I'm a little rusty.  Give me a week and this essay could be decent.

Stephanie Meyer Should Be Pissed at E.L. James for Ripping Her Book Off, But Who Really Cares, Both Books Suck.

                Despite the few differences between Twilight by Stephanie Meyer and 50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James, it is clear from the vast amount of similarities that 50 Shades of Grey and Twilight are pretty much the same book, with the one obvious exception that Twilight has vampires and 50 Shades of Grey does not. 

                The main female characters are the same.  Both Ana (50 Shades of Grey) and Bella (Twilight) come from broken homes.  They find themselves bonding more with their father figures due to their mothers’ selfishness and need to be with their new husbands over their own daughters.  Both girls have low self esteem.  Ana and Bella believe they are not that smart, fretting over doing poorly on tests, and comparing themselves to the seemingly smarter, more accomplished women around them (Ana to Katherine and Bella to Alice) despite both being avid readers of the classic romantic novels (both love Austen) and doing well in school, Bella having good grades in many honors classes, and Ana about to be graduating from Washington State University.  Both are brunette (brown hair) and seem to think this is the main difference between themselves, unattractive (ugly) girls, and attractive (hot blonde) girls.  Because they are obviously smart and attractive, (long hair, skinny  with beautiful faces and men are interested in them), one can only deduce that both girls are actually dumb and inherently stupid for believing they are not that smart and unattractive according to 1970’s standards of physical beauty.  And both Ana and Bella are noted for being clumsy and uncoordinated.

                The love stories are setup the same way.  Girl meets mysterious man after they selflessly make some kind of sacrifice for a weak woman they really love and care for.  Bella sacrifices her happiness in a sunny warm place and moves to sunless dreary Forks, Washington to give her mother a chance to be with her new husband.  Ana sacrifices studying for her finals to interview a handsome billionaire in place of her sick bestfriend/jounalist roommate.   After meeting their future love interests, they go through their  self defacing “why would he ever want me,  he is so hot and ungettable and I’m so ugly” moment.  They fall for each other despite knowing only the most rudimentary things about the other (he works here, lives here, has this has that.  She lives here, works here, has these friends).  The authors convey that they do not need to know anything about the other, they have instant chemistry which is described in both books as physically “electric” that they cannot, despite all efforts, ignore.  There is also a love triangle in both books.  Ana has her economically poor rape-y best friend, and Bella has her economically poor rape-y best friend too.  Coincidently, Bella and Ana’s “best friends,” whom they are initially totally uninterested in, are both of ethnic decent (black hair, dark copper skin, so in other words, not hot).   

The main male love interests are the same as well, with the exception of the vampire detail.  Both Edward and Grey are mysterious, shrouded in bachelor hood, possess insanely good looks (which are also the same, chiseled face and body, copper tousled hair), immense wealth, and the only people who really know who they are, are their prospective adoptive family members.  Edward and Grey are older gentlemen (Grey is 28, 7 years Ana’s senior.  Edward is 100+, Bella’s literal geriatric senior).  And they are both dangerous, and are not forthright about how dangerous they are to the women they are interested in.  Both Edward and Grey convey their love by being stern father figures to their love interests.  They make huge declarations of their love by going against their better judgment and stepping in to save Bella and Ana from sexual predators (while instantaneously stalking those women themselves), not unlike father figures who fret over the virtue of their virginal daughters.  Grey and Edward also commit to their father figure roles by buying expensive gifts for their love interests.

In summation, 50 Shades of Grey and Twilight are so much a like in plot and details, that they could very well be the same book.  With older male love interests, love triangles, self sacrificing self hating clumsy brunette female characters going into dangerous situations by being in love with these mysterious men, the only real difference between these books are the word vampire.  And apparantly all the sex in 50 Shades of Grey (I haven't gotten to that part yet because I was too distracted by how much of a rip off this book was of Twilight, not that I really care though, both books suck, and yes, I love reading them, shut up).

Jenny

The Tennis Concert

Last night, we went to the Tennis concert in the city.  What else is there to say about the band LIVE that is not obvious.  They were great. They left nothing to want. Read this review to get a feel Live Review, 4/30/12: Tennis Evokes Springtime Feelings at the Independent.  I thought the review ^ was good, too, so I looked the author up.  (At first I was offended that she thinks people who post baby pictures on facebook are boring, but then I remembered she's single.  She has a cat and I have a kid.  It's like the same thing.)

Anyways, back to the concert.  I shamefully danced and tried to tone it down.  I apologized when I squealed in glee.  We made jokes with anyone that talked to us.  Surprise everyone! White people have a sense of humor, too.

"This would be a great spot if this tall motherfucker wasn't standing in front of us."
"What if they designated standing sections by height?"
"Whoa, thayt is heightist!"
"Why I gotta stand in the back?! Nahhhhhhh shawttie."
"I'm taking that word back.  It's now a term of endearment."
"I'm not short, but I have a friend that is short.  So I can say that."
"I grew up around a lot of short people."
"Shortie is not the same as shawtie."
"Das jus heightiss."

Tall dude blocking us had a handlebar mustache so you know he was legit.

Fun note: Tennis is comprised of a husband and wife team, and the husband is sooooooooo hot.  I've got teeny bopper googly eyes for him.

After the show, while waiting in line for the bathroom, of course I was that girl that was talking too much to the other girls in line.  Target bras and panty liners came up.  Blogs and writing did too.  I had the "This isn't comedy hour, this bitch needs to shut the fuck up" vibe going on.  Yeah, I was that girl talking wayyyy too much in line for the bathroom.  I was chatty Kathy all day with complete strangers.  Sandwiches does that to you sometimes.

Mikey was very pleased with the concert.  More than pleased, elated.  Spent $70 bucks at the merchandise table after the show and we was groupie-ing it up, waiting for Tennis to come out so we could meet them.  But  security scooted us out before we could enjoy the fruits of our labor.

Overall, pleased customer right here.




Jenny

The Power of the Internet

I'm connecting with you because of Facebook.  I know your thoughts.  I know what you like.  i know what you're complaining about. i know how you talk.  relationships are different now depending on how emotionally slutty you are on these online forums because I know you in a more detailed way.  I may have never really talked to you in real life, but because we are Facebook friends, there is a constant dialogue. 

Technology has become a real extension of ourselves.  We like something in real life and we can say that and share that with the world through social forums.  Everything you would want to know about a person on the first or second date, you could learn on their social network profile.  Things that we think and feel and choose to document online in emails and on social networks are there for the foreseeable future.  We can tap into them whenever.  Had a thought the other day and emailed it to myself.  A week later, I read it and knew word for word exactly what I was thinking.  I could email that to someone else, and depending on if they read and save it and read it again later, that thought could exist forever.  That's what I mean, we can access our thoughts at any point in time, depending on your internet connection of course, and we can access information we WANT, too.   Information that could be trivial or academic.  The time between wanting and having information is now ZERO.  And that's what they mean by the world is getting faster.  That old way of describing the internet, the information super highway, indeed.  I finally get it.


Jenny


WATCH THIS!

Swimsuit Season Already?!

I never go swimming.  I hate public pools.  I can't get the idea out of  my head that everyone pees in the pool.  You know it's true.

But I love the beach, I love the ocean, I would live anywhere that was within a 20 minute drive to a warm sunny beach.

And I love bathing suit shopping despite not really needing one.  But I'm super picky.  I'm into the high waisted 2 piece suits and one piece suits, and luckily those are very Vogue right now.  I've got a mommy pudge belly that needs covering for sure.  Nathan cutely points to my tummy and says "Baby!"  Which makes me sad and makes me wish I was pregnant instead of just looking like I was 3 months pregnant.  Eh, that's just the truth about post baby bodies.

So here are my picks...

 I want all these bathing suits!  Vintage Retro...I <3

These pictures are totally channeling my new Li-Fo music genre obsession (Tennis & Best Coast).

 Urban Outfitters

marc by marc jacobs

 Volcom

 

Monokini's work for me, too.

BCBG 

 Ralph Lauren

 

Can't go wrong with a classic black number.

I can't wait til me and Mikey's wedding anniversary Santa Cruz trip next August.

<3Jenny

How could I forget RuPaul's Drag Race?

What is there to say about this show?!  Great host, awesome characters, dancing, costumes made a la project runway, make up transformations, funny dialogue and a supplemental after show just to showcase the shit talking and z snaps behind the scenes.

Definitely, one of my favorite shows and they just started season 4!!!!

LOVE ITTTTTTTT <3
jenny

My books

I'd categorize the books I like in three categories.  

#1. Reading Assignments

Not all the books that fall under the category "reading assignments" were actually reading assignments, but I read them thinking they became classic reading assignments for good reasons.

#2.  Saga Books

Self explanatory... (don't judge me)

i'm hoping you can't see this.

 I'm still reading this one, no hurry since I've seen the first season, but the book is only slightly better than the awesome show.

I'm still unsure if I understood "y."  A re-read is on my horizon.

#3. Highly Suggested

On the top of my list of books I suggest to friends to read there is Survivor, by Chuck Palahniuk.  In Chuck Palahniuk's world, the things he writes about are usually about something else entirely.  I'd also suggest Fight Club 

and Snuff 

both by Palahniuk, both very entertaining and thought provoking.

my mom gave me this as a Christmas gift before there was any rumor there would be a movie.  I was surprised to hear that it was written by a man.

 This was also a gift from my mom.  So funny, and it gives you the ultimate answer to the universe, life and everything (42).

Sad, but funny.  A mom suggestion, too.

I'm gonna re-read this soon, too.

Ummm, her last name is....

Good reads,

Jenny